If you follow me on Instagram, you know I had a very exciting announcement recently that inspired this wedding planning post…
I said yes to spending forever with Mr. Finance Fashionista!
Cue the champagne, happy tears, screams of excitement from my best friends and my mom, constantly waving around my left hand for everyday tasks to catch a glimmer of this gorgeous rock…
Also included in this bouquet of rainbows and butterflies is the realization that I will have to cut back on my shopping sprees this year.
Why?
Because wedding planning.
Disclaimer: I am not stressed about the wedding planning process – I’m excited! I am a firm believer that stress is a choice, and our mindset is key. It’s all in how we handle stressful situation and, in turn, manage our emotions.
However, I am not so naive to think every bride before me has chosen to be stressed on purpose. It’s a very special day! It’s no secret that a lot goes into planning such an elaborate celebration of love.
That being said, I think that the techniques and tools that can help us cope with stress and manage our emotions to make tough decisions are not talked about enough – especially when it comes to wedding planning.
Society tells us we should be stressed constantly about our wedding, so we assume we have to be.
And if we aren’t, we must be doing something wrong…?
I don’t think so.
As you know, I am not a fan of anyone telling me what to do or how to think. (However, if my fiance is reading this, let it be known I am great at compromise.)
*steps off soapbox, pours another glass of wine, and dives back into the guest list spreadsheet*
Style tip: Are you in the midst of what could be considered a stressful money situation (like planning a wedding, perhaps)? Check out my 13 favorite quotes to elevate your money mindset and give you the motivation you need to power through.
Below are 7 things I’ve learned (so far) about planning a wedding as a newly engaged bride-to-be. I’ve also included some tips I’ve already found to be very helpful at managing wedding planning stress and staying focused on what’s most important:
1. Your love/hate relationship with your Pinterest wedding board starts now.
Once upon a time long, long ago (actually, my high school years up until about a month ago), I saw my Pinterest wedding board as a not-so-serious collection of gorgeous bridal dresses, exquisite centerpieces, charming cocktail hour venues, monogrammed everything, and obscene amounts of glitter, lace, and diamond rings. All saved as dreamy ideas for one day.
Well that one day is now officially on the calendar. And while it’s all still very dreamy, it’s also all very real. It’s all applicable now!
My Pinterest board is now a cornerstone of my wedding planning inspiration and creativity and visual guides to share with our potential vendors. It also serves as validation as to whether or not certain decor ideas have been done before and are possible to replicate despite the laws of gravity.
Pinterest is an unbelievably powerful wedding tool. But be careful not to contract a case of Pinterest envy.
As you prepare to plan your big day, try not to compare your ideas (and what you’ve deemed as financially possible) to some random photo on Pinterest of a glamorous wedding backdrop that has zero context on price, location, or whether or not it’s even real.
The same goes for Instagram. Do not plan your wedding just to look good on social media. It’s a hard one, I know. Especially since our society is so heavily influenced by it.
Style tip: What if I told you the secret to avoiding “lifestyle creep” from social media is to SHOP? Here I share 4 things you should do immediately after you get paid to keep your finances on track.
Be so infatuated with making your day (and engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, welcome party, etc) an expression of your love, personalities, and traditions that you don’t even have time to concern yourself with whether or not your cousin’s best friend’s step-sister’s bouquet is a more vibrant hue of purple than yours.
Who wants to be doing what everyone else is doing, anyway? Take inspiration from social media, but make your ideas UNIQUELY AND WONDERFULLY YOURS.
2. Define your priorities as a couple – and stick to them.
Is the location of your wedding most important? Or the number of people who will be able to fit in your venue?
Determine your priorities as a couple BEFORE you set a budget.
I talk more about the importance of defining priorities in my recent post inspired by Carrie Bradshaw – and her love for Manolo Blahnik.
When it comes to wedding planning, it’s crucial to discuss with your partner high-level what’s most important for your celebration. Identify potential trade-offs (elaborate venue, small guest list or vice versa), be open to ideas the other proposes, and make sure you are in-tune with their feelings on certain topics.
For Mr. Finance Fashionista and I, we both come from pretty large families and friend groups from all over the world. For us, making sure that the people we want there can fit in the room is most important. This has made our guest list pretty large, and, therefore, limited our venue options.
But you know what? Those are our priorities, and we are sticking to them!
You know what else is a #1 priority for us? Traveling! Here’s how we avoid “buyer’s remorse” after taking time away from work. It’s important to remember that you can have your vacation and enjoy it, too!
3. Don’t mistake your loved ones’ excitement for pressure to make decisions.
I actually lost my voice the week after our engagement from sharing our proposal story so much (I mean, it is pretty amazing. Maybe one day I’ll share it!).
Style tip: Your family, friends, coworkers, social media pals, EVERYONE is going to want to share in your excitement and celebration.
You’ll immediately be peppered with delightful and good-hearted questions around wedding planning like:
So, have you picked a date?
Where are you guys thinking of getting married?
Have you found a dress yet? (No, Karen, it’s been a month. Relax.)
Your well-meaning loved ones are thrilled for you and want to know all the details. Most importantly, they want to feel included – doesn’t everyone?
It is easy to feel unintended pressure from these inquiries. After all, you just got engaged. You haven’t even (gracefully) fallen down from cloud nine yet!
My response to the 100th person who has asked me if we’ve picked a date?
“I wish! Right now, we are soaking up this time of being engaged! It is such an exciting time for us, the word “fiance” is still sinking in. We are enjoying every minute. We can’t wait to ease into planning our special day soon enough.”
At the end of the day, be honored anyone is genuinely interested enough to ask. No one will care this much about your love life ever again. I promise!
4. Keep dreaming big, while understanding the scope of your resources.
A wise mentor once told me, “Don’t lie to yourself.”
Exhibit A: We tell ourselves we are 100% going to that 5 am spin class after a night out on the town. Deep down, we are 100% sure we will not be doing so, but we believe ourselves anyway. At 11 am when we wake up with a throbbing headache craving a McGriddle and Gatorade, sans spin class sweat, we have the audacity to be disappointed that we were deceived yet again.
I’ve tried to apply this principle to our wedding planning adventure so far. I have a tendency to dream big, think big, and view the world as endless possibilities of greatness. Typically, that’s a good thing.
However, when you are planning a wedding with your partner, who tends to be much more practical, this personality trait of mine can cause some tension.
It’s been a tough exercise, but I’ve had to buckle down and be realistic and honest with myself on what resources we have available to us as we plan our special day. I’m sure other bride-to-be’s have felt this same reality check. If this sounds like you, know that you are not alone!
Everyone’s financial situation is different. Don’t compare your wedding day to anyone else’s!
If it’s made clear that your available resources will allow for a top notch DJ, do not feed yourself the lie that you can afford to have Michael Buble sing at your reception backed up by a 10-piece orchestra.
Chat with your partner, your families, and review your projected financial situation over the course of your wedding planning timeline. Be truthful in your estimates, level with your expectations, and gracious for any help loved ones may offer to make your dreams a reality.
5. Don’t be afraid to negotiate with wedding vendors – the right way.
Think of your wedding vendors as your dream team. They are going to be your wedding planning ninjas. They will be the ones that capture your vision and jump through hoops to make your wedding day dreams come to life.
As I mentioned before, this process of manifesting your magical day comes with a price tag. If you’re on a strict budget, or want to put as much of your resources toward your top priorities as possible, there are still ways to assemble an amazing dream team and keep your finances in check.
The trick? Being open to compromise and leaving a little wiggle room – through the art of negotiating.
WeddingWire’s Kim Forrest shares the (previously) unwritten rules of negotiating with wedding vendors. Her list is fairly comprehensive – and is just what you need as you begin assembling your dream team.
6. Organization is key to keeping your (and your partner’s) sanity.
Luckily for me, Mr. Finance Fashionista is the king of spreadsheets. He had our entire proposal planned out in Excel in 15 minute increments. He’s a keeper, don’t ya agree?
Though we are just dipping our toes into the wedding planning process, Excel and Google Drive have already been vital to us. As we work to (maybe) narrow down our guest list, quantify our priorities, and compare vendors, we can collaborate on and update documents. This is especially helpful when he is traveling for work and we can’t physically be together to plan!
I also am sure to write ideas down as they come to me and keep track of important dates with the help of my planner.
If you’re not a fan of Excel or writing things down, there are several app-based wedding planning tools out there nowadays. We are officially running out of ways to be disorganized in planning our big day!
Find an organization system that works best for you and your partner. Doing so early on in the planning process will (I suspect) save a lot of headache and time in the long run!
7. Maintain an abundance mindset and remember: stress is a choice.
What helps me stay calm, cool, and collected in the wake of stress, decision-making, and potential obstacles – all of which are bound to happen in wedding planning?
How do I have healthy, productive conversations with those who will be a part of making our wedding day amazing?
How do I not only maintain a mindset of abundance, but also commit to action with an abundance lifestyle?
First, I remember that this is just one big fabulous party celebrating our love that we have plenty of time to plan. Perspective is great.
Secondly, I remember that there are hundreds of photographers, florists, wedding gowns, bakers, caterers, bands, etc. out there! I don’t have to have it all figured out just yet!
If your #1 pick for any of the above is unavailable on your special day, there are abundant options out there that will be just as great if not better.
Thirdly, I remember this beautiful, magical formula from my all-time favorite author, Dale Carnegie, of How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
- Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?”
- Prepare to accept the worst.
- Try to improve on the worst.
If the worst thing that could possibly happen is that your dream wedding flowers are out of season or your preferred caterer charges extra for guacamole (why, as a society, have we condoned this practice?)…
…Accept that you may have to choose another kind of bouquet and either forego the guac or find room in the budget for it somewhere. *glances over at Swarovski crystal adorned cake topper*
This formula above helps us deal with stressful situations and to act instead of react.
By accepting the worst that can happen, we are liberated from a violent contest with reality. It frees us to move into problem-solving and decision-making mode – the ideal head space to be in for planning a wedding.
P.S. Want to know a few other great titles for conquering your money mindset? Here are my 10 favorite books for taking charge of your finances.
Wrapping it all up in a bow…
One month in, I’ve realized it’s easy to get caught up in the intricate, tedious details that I didn’t even know existed until we started planning a wedding.
But at the end of the day, remember what’s most important: your love for each other and the life you’re about to build together!
Do you agree with the points above? For all you fellow brides-to-be out there, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
What lessons did you learn your first month into planning your wedding?
